you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
