she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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