so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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