laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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