Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
