I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
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This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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