Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
