did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
