Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
