oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Who did Billy Mays play for?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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