I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you never un-have a 4some
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
