We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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