I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
