Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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