How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
