woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
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I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
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I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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