It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
