TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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