I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
