I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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