Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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