FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
