I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
