He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
