do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
