to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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