I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
