3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
