We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry about my life...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
