How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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