Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
