You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
