It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
