He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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