he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
