while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
