they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
