Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
