Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
