your parents love me but you hate me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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