yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
