bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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