I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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