Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
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I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You are a genius and a whore.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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