You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
