$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
