how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
