I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
