She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
