I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
