i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
