Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
