im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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