Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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