I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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