hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dear god my vagina.
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