And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
