So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
