you guys were way drunker than both of me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Randomize
