I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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