upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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