sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
